I really want to share my current struggle with my weight. I read about girls desperately trying to lose weight and even starving themselves all the time and in some ways I admire their dedication. I also think that there is a place of compromise for everyone, between eating heartily and losing weight slowly and starving yourself with ridiculous diets.
So last week when I went to PAX I pretty much ruined a month's worth of dieting and exercise by eating whatever I wanted without even paying attention to how much or how bad it was. The Washington State Convention Center is downtown and has a Taco Del Mar and a Cheesecake factory in the same building. I had never been to a Cheesecake factory, and when I looked at the menu I was super pleased but THE CALORIES. My Boyfriend and I shared an appetizer that was over 2000 calories and I didn't even bother looking at the nutritional value for me entree.
Long story short, I gained back the 5 pounds I had lost by the end of the weekend and I felt really disgusting and pathetic. I don't like feeling like that, but it made me really realize that I need to be more aware of what I eat and how much I eat.
On Tuesday I went a little too hardcore about my diet and decided to start using Livestrong.Com to count calories. I am very muscular and because of it I not only lose and gain weight very quickly, I also don't look my weight and have a higher caloric requirement than my height and weight suggests. This means that when I ate the suggested amount of calories to lose 2lbs every week (980!) I felt very sick and weak all day. After just a day of this extreme change I lost FOUR POUNDS. It's so bittersweet, because obviously I was happy to lose the weight, but there is no way that losing that much weight in a 30 hour period is healthy.
Under advisement of my mother who is an RN, I have been eating around 1300 calories instead. This way I stay healthy and in a good mood, but I'm still steadily losing weight. It's still a big change (I used to eat around 4000 calories a day when I cheered) but I feel much better and I would much rather be happy and healthy and slowly watch the weight come off than be cranky and weak and lose what may have turned out to be 10lbs a week.
I think that in time I will start feeling good about my body again like I did during cheer and I realize that I'm so lucky to be naturally this size and not have to constantly fight with my body to prevent obesity. I think it's silly for girls who are average to overweight to complain about their weight and starve themselves. It's hard to look in the mirror and not see exactly what you want but sometimes you have to step back and realize how good you have it. I'm tired of hiding with baggy clothes and close-up shots, and I'm not going to do it anymore.
I just really want people to learn to be happy with themselves and what they've been given. Sure, my thighs may always touch, but I also will always be small in the waist. You have to look at the positives and work with what you have ♥
Thank you for reading and sorry for the cheesy post. I just figured it was worth a shot.